A New Day; Same Story

I don't know why I, of all people, would blog. I suppose it's a bit of the "bandwagon" mentality. It could be that things happen daily that I would love to remember, to pull out later and hold on to, but my memory fails me. It could be that this is just a passing phase, much like my dedication to healthy foods and exercise! That remains to be seen.

I've always considered it a miracle that I have any friends at all. I'm moody, and often judgemental, and not what you'd call the "life of the party". Spending time alone---really alone, not with my family---is what I crave. There are days when I seek refuge in the shower just to steal 15 minutes of alone time. Of course, we built our house ourselves, and my husband, God love him, failed to put locks on our master bathroom doors, so I'm really not at all guaranteed the privacy I so crave. More often than not, I'll be there, in my lovely glass shower, listening to the radio and shaving my legs, when out of nowhere a herd of small children comes racing in to seek my counsel on the latest issue. Oddly enough, they seem to be oblivious to the fact that I am naked in the shower. Truly, it is very surreal to be at once surrounded by an audience while nude in a glass box. It's a bit like being on display at the zoo. But I digress. The point here is that I crave solitude, but it is all too elusive.

I have four children. I'm not sure how that happened. I get the biology of it all, but believe me when I say that I had no plans to have a large family. Just the opposite in fact. I always believed that a successful career was in my future, not a successful family. Someone once said that if you want to hear God laugh, you should tell him your plans. To whit, I am living proof. That being said, I think I'm a pretty good mom, and am raising at least moderately successful, capable children. Perhaps I'm too soft, and not enough of a disciplinarian, but I'd rather screw my kids up by loving them too much than by spanking them too often. It's a daily conundrum. I'll have to address this at some point in this blog.

But for now, I'll sign off my first post. I'm quite sure no one wants to read this, but maybe someday my children will log on and gain a little more insight into the mother they thought they knew.